Going Forward

(c) Dr. James J. Dines, esquire - December, 2024

"Go not gentle into that good night, old age should rave at the close of day, rage, rage at the dying of the light" - Dylan Thomas

"Once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right" - Robert Hunter / The Grateful Dead

"Buy the ticket; take the ride" - Dr. Hunter S. Thompson

I have had an epiphany: I am no longer a passenger on the bus.  I no longer take the ride having bought the ticket. I am the owner/driver now.  I Issue the tickets heretofore. The show? Dr. Dines, esquire a.k.a Suite Jimmy D. - Writer, Professor, Musician / Magician, Philosopher in Chief.

In Stephen Covey's excellent book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" he advances this idea: "Begin with the end in mind."  I had a plan when I was 17. I was just beginning the journey known as "my adult life."  Even back then I had the end in mind, but my mind is always changing however firm in its belief, and circumstances change as well.  The end I have had in mind has changed many times as well. One thing I never thought would happen to me is that I would still be alive today. I have struggled with suicidal ideation for as long as I can remember.

You might think I've never died before, but I have.  I'm not talking about past lives. I'm talking about this one.  I never actually tried to kill myself, but I didn't go very far out of my way to avoid the possibility either. Every time I was clinically dead I was brought back.  The end I had in mind is not my end.  I finally realized I was going to keep on living in misery unless I changed my mind.  Thus the aforementioned epiphany.

I don't know how it will end anymore, but I do know the route I plan to travel on the way.  I will be taking M. Scott Peck's road less traveled.  I know where the road I have been on diverges, but I can only guess where this newly chosen one leads.  But that is the adventure of it, is it not?

So now it is time for a new beginning.  I have goals in mind.  I know what steps I plan to take.  I don't know where those steps will lead me however.  I only know I'm not turning around and choosing that other road.